I found myself in a place where I was no longer happy with the environment around me, uninspired and feeling in a sense 'stuck' in a place that I no longer wanted to be. I had big dreams and plenty of moments of inspiration, enthusiasm and passion over the past year - which has grown to the level that I feel as if there is a new path for me to follow.
Of course - I know that there are so many areas in my life that i love and are incredibly grateful for; my amazingly supportive fiancee, my 5 year old 'soon to be' step son, the learning path of Wellness/health coaching and Pilates fitness instruction I have been exposed to, the people I have met along the way, my unrepeatable and forever loving family, the blissful Bali adventures I was lucky enough to retreat to twice this year and many more.
The passion that has always been in me, but has grown and been encouraged to develop by several people and role models has come to a place where keeping it 'squashed' inside my heart and soul, just waiting to be released as bursts of inspiration is really getting to me.
I had to take some time off my usual workplace as a Teacher, which over the past 7 years (as a fully qualified teacher - with over 10 years as a 'Teacher in training' or Sports Coach) has had it's place and brought many moments, experiences, staff and students I have taught that have lead me to be the person I am today, and who have shaped much of my outlook on life, inner confidence and have taught me much more than I will ever realize. I am currently at a point in which feeling 'stuck' in a place between where conventional thinking says to stay (higher wage, consistent income, a profession well regarded in society), and heartfelt, intuitive thinking says to change.
Change is a scary place - particularly into a field that is less predictable, an income that is not always going to be consistent, a career that many people 'scoff' at as not being a 'real' career, and into something that may put extra financial and emotional pressure (as goes with starting a new business) on the people close to me (not to mention at a time when we are planning a wedding and considering starting to try for a family in a years time).
My anxiety has been so extreme that it was being felt on a physical level (stomach aches, migraines, back pain, fatigue, nausea and a decrease in appetite), as well as an emotional level (tears, worry, insomnia and a constant feeling of being 'on-edge').
Throughout this period - the thing that has been able to make sense of everything and provide some sense of clarity to my thoughts has been sharing the pressure with those around me. For many months, my anxieties have been building and for that time I have never shared the extent to which my worries and concerns have been getting to me - leaving me to continue on the path I am currently following in the hope that maybe things will become easier.
I've said before - conversing some of my thoughts with my amazing fiancee has been occurring throughout this time - but sometimes it takes someone or a few people who are not so emotionally vested in you to provide a lifting hand to get you out of the hazy reality.
Over the past couple of weeks I have spoken with a Psychologist and an amazing, wise and generous lady from my workplace who have worked through the crazy and over-whelming thought processes clouding my brain. It's amazing how you can start to feel like some 'crazy person' or 'alien' from society when you are left alone with your own thoughts and internal pressures for too long. These two special and supportive people have been able to reassure me how valid my reactions have been and helped me to work through not only a process to be able to move forward into the life that i am deeply passionate about as well as help me to address my inner self critic and lack of self confidence that adds to the anxieties of being able to reach my goals.
As much as I love teaching and preaching about these topics to others - until you have a good discussion with someone else, sometimes you don't realize the inner self sabotage that can take over a much larger part of your thinking than it should.
My point is - NEVER underestimate the power of communication, keeping people around you (not isolating yourself and pushing away those that want to help - like some of us can be great at - me included!!) and ASKING FOR HELP.
When I think back to points in my life where things have felt incredibly overwhelming and difficult, it is often those around who you wouldn't consider to be your closest friends are those that are often the best people to help you through the process. Several people have approached me to support me through the past couple of weeks who I never would have thought knew I was even within their sights!
The key to getting through difficult times is your ability to OPEN UP and trust that people want to help you, support you and even just be a sounding board for ideas. I have always had issues with sharing my deepest thoughts with people (even those who are most closest to me!), in fear of them judging me or having an unwanted reaction. You know what - my 'joining of the dots' has NEVER been a true reflection of what happened once I do tell them what is going. I have always managed to build an idea in my head of the outcome of conversations or actions that I have taken without it being built on actual evidence. The only thing this will help you to do is increase your anxiety, decrease your self confidence and lead you to never following your heart or your dreams.
Communicate, involve people around you in your difficult times (as well as amazing times of course!!) and be willing to ask for help if you feel yourself going in a downward spiral.
For now - I continue to write, read and take on board this advice which is helping me to see that there is no such thing as 'stuck', only an imaginary idea we can sometimes create in our own minds.
Would love to hear your thoughts and own journeys!
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