I jumped in the shower, had my green juice, picked up my bags (to passers by I would've closely resembled a 'pack horse' or 'camel on a voyage across the Sahara desert) and hopped into my little black Mazda - 3.
I drove the usual dark and quiet street venture out to Pilates, which is about a twenty minute drive away. I was about two minutes from reaching the lit up and rose smelling studio on Chapel street in Melbourne - when I was shocked out of my wits and realised the tram in front of me had come to a stop, and a person was stepping outfrom the carraige.
I slammed my brakes on as my heart rode inot my chest and missed the petrified twenty something woman who was now two metres in front of the front bumber of my car.
Anyone who has ever come close or has been in a collision either as a pedestrian, a bike rider or a vehicle drive knows that feeling. Your heart jumps up so high that it feels like you are almost vomiting. Your brain goes into a sense of alertness and shock as you realize what could of nearly just happened. You feel a deep sense of guilt that your actions could have in effect, changed someones life or had a detrimental effect. You panic thinking how stupid you were for not focusing for the split second knowing the consequences that could've followed. You throw your arms up in the air and whimper with sincere apology and then you feel a wave of emotion come to the fore-front of your mind as you battle bursting into tears.
This morning, that was me to a tea. The only difference was that today the Tram driver stopped the tram in the middle of the main intersection of a busy Melbourne inner city street, stepped out of the driver seat onto the road next to me and began to shake his head, wave his arms in the air and repeat for the next five minutes (that was the longest five minutes of my life!) "You stupid, brainless, idiotic Bitch!" over and over.
I did what anyone else would do and burst into tears, sinking into my car seat (by this stage the entire tram was leaning over to the side window to see what the commotion was about) - as I whispered hoarsely through my tears "Ok - I know, I'm so sorry - you don't have to call me a stupid Bitch".
Eventually the driver returned to his seat in the front of the Tram and he slowly continued on down the main road - leaving me to slowly drive squinting through the tears of guilt trying to calm myself down so I could walk into Pilates in a somewhat respectable state.
I made it in.
I put my big yellow sports bag into the change-room locker and quickly scanned through my emails before class started. I recently sold my new Nike runners on Ebay (for a 'steal might I add - I brought them for $180, wore them once and found they were too big so ended up selling them on Ebay for $95 including the $17 interstate postage), to a buyer who wanted a refund as they were too small. In asking whether she had sent my shoes back so I could sell them to another buyer - she had sold them and kept my refunded money.
Great start to the day. It was only 6am.
I walked out of the change rooms to get to my class and was pushed over by another girl who didn't say sorry, or even acknowledge that it happened!
Argh - do I scream, do I let the water works start up, do I crawl back into bed and claim that I was sick or my car broke down??!!
I revved myself up to do the - let me say tough and uncomfortable leg session on the reformer. A few emotions were put back in their box as I forcefully worked my muscles and tried to focus on my breathing.
After class I had to get a blood test done before work - so 'Yay' for such an awesome morning!
One more - I was told I had to start work an hour earlier (no extra pay for all those 'over-time workers' unfortunately) to cover someone who is not coming in tomorrow. I'll have to wake up at 5am.
Anyway - I thought I'd take a moment to take a breathe, think about all of the GOOD, no - GREAT things that are around me and ahead of me and break those negative thoughts down in their tracks.
We've all been here before, where 'one of those days' thought processes starts to take over your energy levels, motivation, inspiration and passion for life. It's all very easy to fall inot that trap of wanting to just give up.
You know what? Surely after a run of 'negative' things to happen, that just leaves a doorway for a hell of a LOT of positive thing to walk into your life.
A few sayings and quotes come to my mind in this type of situation - which I thank my precious Dad for; 'After a long hill, there is ALWAYS the easy ride down the other side' and 'Good things come to those who wait'. They sound like just a bunch of words that some 'philosopher' thought up while sitting at his desk looking out on the green pastures of their 'fields of gold'.
Before you dismiss them - take a moment to reflect on them. How have they appeared or 'worked' in your life in the past? List them.
Now - transfer those experiences and thought processes the next time you have 'one of those days' and see how diffrent or how quickly you can turn your thought process around.
Good luck!
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