Have you
ever felt as if you were never good enough?
Ever felt
that no matter what you did, actually reaching your goal or dream was always
just that one or two steps too far from reach?
Sometimes
the weight of expectation, usually from ourselves is something that can work in
positive and negative ways.
If you
often find yourself with a head full of dreams, aspirations, goals, ‘if only’s’
and ‘I wish’s – but you start on your pathway for a few weeks only to be deterred
by the huge expectations you have set for yourself not being reached……you are definitely
not alone.
I am a
prime candidate for this title.
Sometimes
it has lead me to places I never imagined, or to do or try things that many
people would never do out of fear.
Sometimes,
it has taken me to places where I have put so much energy, passion, spirit and
heart into trying to do the best and be the best at whatever it is I am aiming
for – meaning that if any obstacles get in the way or any bumps in the road
arise, it is so off-putting that I will find myself in tears or running
thoughts through my brain like an over-stimulated 2 year old (who has probably
had 3 bars of chocolate and is running around with hands in the air squealing
up and down the hallways of the house it lives in)….which let me tell you, is
incredibly exhausting.
One things
about trying to change careers, and setting up your own business is having to
face these thoughts, challenges, doubts and unsettling ‘missed goals’. I am
absolutely ALL FOR thinking positive and using the power of your thoughts (Try
reading ‘The Science of getting rich’, by Walter E Wallis) to get to the place
where you most want to be. But sometimes – it is just bloody hard.
I started
this business venture with so much excitement and anticipation. I wanted to do
this, that, battle out with the top guru’s in my chosen field, make a name for
myself in my industry, have clients coming out of my ears, have regular
lectures on my passion.
Ha – the only
thing that I forgot was that these things will take time. I wanted to have the
world at the click of my fingers. And as amazing and positive as that sounds –
realistically, I could very well get to this point, but trying to do it over a
few weeks or the first month was going to be one giant hell of a learning
curve!!
My
expectations were, and I guess always have been a part of my ‘perfectionist’
personality. I want to do well in all that I do – be it achieve a promotion at
work, become the most popular girl at school (haha – yeah, as ridiculous as it
sounds now being an actual adult where school girl popularity doesn’t exactly
cut it in a grown up world…….aside from the fact that it makes not one ounce of
difference in my happiness!!), being the fastest runner at school, training at
an intense level every day just to make sure nobody else was doing a better job
of it than me, working myself ragged until sickness or exhaustion set in just
so I could do all the things that I thought I needed to do to be successful
(which I often later found out that most people didn’t even bat an eyelash at
because they knew it wouldn’t make a huge difference….leaving me being seen as
the regular ‘high achiever’ or ‘goody two-shoes’).
Whatever I
choose to do – I have my own set of expectations to do it well – and bloody
well!! It’s possible isn’t it?
Let’s look
at this closely.
Take your
own high expectations. Now think to yourself, would you expect these from your
best friend or close family?
No??
Well why in
the world would you put all that unrealistic pressure on yourself??
What good
is it going to do to have not only a challenging and often energy zapping
situation or goal, when you’ve got the added pressure from yourself to do an
incredibly amazing job in a short amount of time?
Last time I
checked – I dream of Jeannie (50’s – 60’s TV show about a Jeannie granting
wishes!) did not exist in today’s world and nobody has the power to magically
click their fingers to be able to meet their biggest, wildest dreams in that
very moment. But wouldn’t it be awesome if it were true!!!
If
expectation is working in a positive way – it’s incredibly helpful and powerful
in being able to push you to do the things that your heart knows it can, and
challenge itself past the Negative Nancy voice that sometimes likes to be heard
over the top of all of the other rational thoughts.
Thinking
positive about your future and thinking your way into achieving what you really
want is a special thing and something that many of us only wish we had – a
skill that for many of us is brought about by taking time to reflect on the
thought patterns you have formed as habit over your years of life.
So – how do
I change my thoughts into something more realistic, positive and helpful? You
can start by beginning to listen to and be more aware of your reactions and
responses to situations or the environment around you (emotions, physical
reactions, thoughts, fears).
Write down
your goals for the future. Reflect on these for a moment. Ask yourself – WHEN you
hope to achieve these by? Now – ask yourself – is this realistic? Think – would
you expect these outcomes to be achievable by anyone else? Re-adjust if needed.
Then, re-frame
your goals.
Then – go and
get some extra support from a Coach (ME!!), a Counsellor (sounds intense, but
it actually saved my sanity at the end of last year – even though it was initially
business related), a friend as a sounding board or even a trusted mentor who
has been down the path you set for yourself.
Expectations
for yourself – positive (helpful, inspiring, motivating) versus negative
(anxiety creating, high pressure, often debilitating).
Which would
you prefer??
There are
still places remaining for the next round of my ‘Passionate & Purposeful
wellbeing program’.
We work
through weekly goals over a three - month period, while you are given valuable
learning activities/workshops/podcasts/webinar access and regular online
training.
Get on
board before it sells out and contact me to find out a little bit more about
how it all works.
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