Confidence is paramount - How to bring it back!

Confidence: Confidence is a pretty broad term and can be difficult to define as it's so personal. Most people see confidence as having a belief in yourself, another person or an idea. When a person is confident, they are showing that they have faith in their talents, abilities and personal strength.

Having confidence in ourselves can affect our entire life! When we know and appreciate who we are, we feel great about ourselves and we make better choices and better decisions.
When we make better choices and better decisions, we create a better life for ourselves.
When we create a better life, we are much happier.
Everything is based on our self-confidence!

Knowing how important it is to have confidence, I know that this is an area I struggle with. Sometimes I am my own worst enemy - listening to the inner voice inside my head telling me that 'I am not good enough', or that I will fail. The thing is - if I let myself listen to this voice,  there is no way that I will be able to live the life I've always imagined. I wouldn't push myself to take on new challenges, I'd talk myself out of being able to do a job/duty/role that I am very capable of and make myself anxious over what people thought of me to the point where it was often easier to just stay home than go out and make decisions or perform a role I thought I couldn't do as well as I should be.

When we are first born, we have LOADS of confidence. It is only as we grow older and experience a variety of different situations and events that we get our confidence ‘sapped’ out of us from the impact that the environment has on us.

We can lose confidence by a variety of situations, some could include the following examples:

• being criticized by others
• when we have negative people in our lives. It’s very common for women to have men in their lives that out them down and belittle them, breaking down their confidence because they THEMSELVES lack confidence.
• negative self talk, demeaning yourself by saying things like, “I’m stupid,“ “loser” “I KNEW it!”
• negative body image because of what society dictates we “should” look like
• not achieving the goals that we set for ourselves (consciously or sub-consciously)

When we lose our confidence, we start to have some of the following thoughts and responses…

• not believing in yourself
• not loving yourself
• fear of public speaking
• fear of meeting new people
• fear of conversation with others
• not being able to say no to others
• not being able to get what you want
• feelings of worry, guilt , anxiety, panic
• fear of leaving your comfort zone because your lack of confidence is holding you back

Of course we are not going to be living the life that we dream of, if we are always held back by the thought that we cannot do it!

The great things is that by taking control of our thoughts, we can improve our confidence at any age, regardless of our experiences.

Here are a few tricks to help you develop that confidence -

- Walk tall. It's amazing how you can actually trick your brain into thinking that you are feeling confident by the way you walk and hold yourself. If you sit cross armed, eyes looking down, shoulders hunched and palms clenched together, your brain is sent back messages to say that you are protecting yourself from something. Try taking a big breathe, pulling your shoulders back & down, straightening your back, holding you head up and smiling to yourself - the opposite should occur and your subconscious starts to believe you are relaxed and more confident!

- Smile! In a similar way to above, your body can be tricked into thinking it feels a different way. Think about how you feel when you're happy or smiling. Instantly you begin to relax and your mind seems to zone out from the negative things around you.

- Throw on something that makes you feel great! That could be some sneaky gorgeous lingerie (I know, only you know what you're wearing, but it's as if you have a little secret that nobody else knows about, that you feel a sense of cool, sexy confidence!), your favorite shoes, a new hair style, some new nail polish or your favorite outfit. When you feel good, your confidence most definitely lifts in response. Compare when you're at home in your PJ's, no make-up and un-brushed teeth, to when you're heading out to dinner with a friend. You'd obviously wear different clothes, and your body language and mindset are totally different!

- Take notice of the negative voice in your head. When you are aware of yourself thinking negative thoughts (your body language will often reflect this), take a stand against it! Changing your thought processes can ACTUALLY change your life - I could worry about what each member of my office is thinking about how well I'm doing my job (I'm sure the frown on their face is aimed at my ability to do my job and not at the naughty year 7 that was just told off for bullying other kids - NOT LIKELY!). We let our brains think the worst sometimes, which is not helpful at all. Try thinking about the positive things you have achieved, make a mental list of these before you dwell on the one or two small things you may still be learning to do.

- Play some music (and sing along to it - LOUDLY!).

- Get out an exercise! It will take your mind off the things that worry you, and pushing yourself when you are feeling a little low, can give you the confidence that you have reached a challenge or completed a goal (however small it may be).

- Visualization. Try setting a super specific goal—be as detailed as possible (one study suggests that the more detailed your vision of future success, the more confident you’ll feel  )—and imagine that you’ve achieved it. Throw in a positive affirmation, and go through this practice right before or right after you hit the sheets for sleep, ideally while looking at yourself in the mirror (e.g. putting on makeup or brushing your teeth) so that you can literally tell yourself what you’ll accomplish and why you rock.

- Practice the things you want to get better at. When you know that you CAN do the thing you are aiming for - that confidence soars!