I've felt excitement and elation; planning and looking ahead at what might lay before me in a new career path, a new hobby, a new connection with those around me and the feeling of being able to help others through coaching and counselling. I've also felt feelings of anxiety and unease at the thought of not knowing what I am going to do with my life, worrying about how I will fit in the changes I wish to make and how I foresee my future. At times, it certainly felt as if I was constantly pushing up-hill and feeling a sense of dissatisfaction with the routines and 'jobs' I had to do each day - to the point where I would burst into tears and have to be calmed down by my patient and caring boyfriend (for which I thank you for your compassion and strength to get me through those days!).
In sitting down over a nice cup of green tea after a long 'Sunday-run-day', I felt as if there was not a lot that was itching to get out of my head and onto paper (or blog). Usually, once I sit down and start putting fingers to the keyboard - it's as if the flood gates open and all of the built up thoughts and emotions of the last few days want to pour out in a mad rush!
However - today was different. I felt a sense of calmness. I didn't feel a sense of urgency to rid my mind of the built up thoughts. I felt a sense of content. I actually found myself hanging out the washing and sharing my thoughts of 'okayness' about the space I am in now at work (which - funnily enough has been the one thing that has brought me to tears many times this year!!), with my boyfriend - who again was left in a state of confusion about my indecisiveness about my life, the direction i want to go in and what i enjoy or don't enjoy!
So - I wondered what made things so different today? What have I changed, or has changed this past week to give me the sense of satisfaction and comfort that has left me feeling like I don't need to sharpen my nails to crawl out of the crazy hole of emotions that i have got myself into?
Perhaps I had actually started to take note of my own advice, putting my words into actions and focusing on changing the things I could change.
I decided to make a list of all the things that I feel have lead me to this positive space -
1) I changed my thoughts. I focused on the positive things around me, rather than just the negative and worrying about what is going to happen to me in the next few months/years. Hello!! How in the world can I worry about the things that haven't even happened yet! What a waste of energy over something that may never even eventuate. Sure - make plans to get to where you want to be, but spending time over-thinking this path is not productive in the slightest.
2) I made time for myself. Squeezing in the extra study and training hours, with full time work, own fitness and health as well as making sure I am spending time with my family is tough. I wouldn't let myself accept this and pushed, and pushed until I started getting sick, depressed and to the stage of bursting into tears for no reason. My family encouraged me to take a weekend (or even a day to begin with) off, so i spent it catching up with friends who I hadn't seen in months, having a couple of extra drinks with dinner, going out for slow walks and coffee dates, reading my long lost kindle. I needed to give myself some time to reflect and take in what was happening around me, instead of being caught up in what I wanted to be. Allow yourself time to refresh and get back to who you are.
3) I took some time to do the things I enjoy - and opened up my senses. It's amazing how being busy can turn your brain into believing that you don't have time for the little things you enjoy. The thing is, without doing the things you enjoy, it takes away your own sense of you! It re-invigorates your soul and makes you even more powerful in whatever path you decide to take. I sucked in lungfuls of gorgeous morning air as I watched the sunrise. I took my time and ordered a 'have here' soy latte while I read the paper, rather than running in and out in haste with a take-away cup in hand before zooming off in my car. I sat outdoors and read my book in the sunshine - it's amazing how rejuvenating it is to have the sunlight streaming onto your bare skin.
4) I accept the thought that 'I am good enough'. The power of one subconscious thought had lead me to a place where I felt unwanted, lacking in skills in my workplace, unworthy of holding my leadership position in the office, too slow on my morning runs, unable to make the changes I wanted to make because I couldn't do it or didn't have the right skills and comparing myself to others. When my negative thoughts started to barrage into my head - I took a breathe and re-thought them. "OK, I didn't do that perfectly, but I will learn from it." Or instead of "I should have been able to deal with that student", it was "Lets think about how I can deal with this students differently, what resources do I need and who can i ask for assistance?".
5) I made sure that I looked after my body with nourishing and healthy food choices. I'm not normally a regular at MacDonald s or KFC, but I had started to drink on most nights of the week, and indulged in more sugar and processed foods than normal. My body started to feel this - resulting in lethargy, spikes in sugar levels and trouble with concentration. Your body needs fuel to run at it's peak - and filling it with metholated spirits or cheap and nasty old oil won't help you do this!
6) I started to do a quick 10-15 minute meditation track before I went to sleep. This helped me to clear the thoughts that had built up and were racing around my brain before i closed my eyes. It meant that I woke up less during the night thinking about the things I had to do the next day, and it also meant that i was waking up more refreshed after each sleep without having to spend all that extra energy worrying. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xoYnqvadurg , https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5I_gj-eMefU , and The smiling mind are some examples for you to practice with.
7) I made a point of being more mindful. I didn't shove my lunch down my throat in a bid to try and get to my first class in time. I let myself sit down and look outside while at home for a few minutes without scanning my facebook or instagram. I just enjoyed the time I spent with out little 5 year old friend we have over on weekends and with my boyfriend rather than not listening to them speaking because I was too busy thinking about what I had to do in that day.
8) Change the 'I shoulds' to 'I coulds'. When you start thinking about the things you should be doing, it starts to develop a sense of unnecessary guilt. 'I should' be doing the washing implies to your subconscious that you are too lazy, too busy, too messy to do the washing. Changing statements like this to 'I could do the washing', gives your subconscious a sense of power over your own actions and thoughts - it implies that you could do the washing, when you're ready.
So why not give some of them a try. I'm not implying that they are always easy changes to make to your routines, which in some of you have built up over years. But it sure is worth trying - small changes lead to big changes!
Remember - you cannot control the things around you, but you can control the thoughts and reactions you have to each situation. Your mind is most definitely a 'super - powerful' tool and the difference in letting you enjoy each moment, or creating havoc and anxiety within yourself.
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