Creating a change....

For many of us, we reach a point in our lives where we feel as if nothing is going right; our energy levels are low, we aren't enjoying our work, we don't have the same sense of contentedness with our friendship circles and we just feel a general sense of 'down' about life.
We have two choices here - to keep continuing on the path we are travelling; feeling down, isolated, and unmotivated OR, we can make a change/s to give ourselves a chance to live a life more satisfying, connected, happy and with color. I know which one I would rather choose - and life certainly seems a lot more exciting when you can wake up out of bed most days with vigor!

Creating change isn't always easy. To begin with, it's a good idea to have a vision in mind of the life or goal you want to achieve. Think about how this feels, how this looks, how this will effect you and the people around you. Think about what needs to change in your life to be able to get to this vision.

The next thing to keep in mind is that goals and visions will change many times throughout your life; you may reach a goal and need to create a new challenge or desire, your life priorities may change (particularly as you get older, and your living arrangements or lifestyle changes).
It is important to set aside some time when this does happen, or you begin to feel that faint feeling of 'down', lack of motivation and dissatisfaction with life again, to re-visit your initial goals.

                                        
The following steps can be helpful in how you can go about creating a change in your life, to be able to live one with more gusto, excitement, satisfaction, motivation and optimism!

1) Decide what you want to change.
2) Ask yourself why you want this change.
3) What else could you change if you made this change?
4) What do you envisage your life will look like after you make this change?
5) What could get in the way?
6) What  are your strengths? (Yes - we all have some!!)
7) What have you succeeded in before?
8) What quality/talent did that take?
9) How can you use that to help you now?
10) Do you think you would be more likely and able to make changes with some outside assistance/encouragement?
                                                 
It is helpful to keep  in mind that the following things can also have an impact on your ability to make changes, and to change your thought processes when difficulties do arise; our resilience, adaptability, resignation and acceptance.

Resilience encompasses the ability of an individual to be able to 'bounce back' from one of life's set backs. Creating a new vision will give us back our optimism and drive to get back to it!
Being able to adapt to changes in circumstances are also helpful. If we have one goal and are not flexible in our thinking or have got to the point where our original goal has become irrelevant to our lives, then we are more likely to lose our zest for life and disillusioned.
Resignation tends to gives us a feeling of hopelessness, that we are residing to the fact that we could not reach our goal or vision, which can increase risk of developing depression and anxiety.
Acceptance that we cannot change and control everything, but that we can change our thoughts and feelings towards our vision. It is much more productive to redirect your thoughts and energy towards the things we can change.

Good luck change makers!!!

When life gets in the way....

I left home for my usual Sunday Pilates workout this morning feeling consumed of emotion; confused, not sure whether to be angry, frustrated, upset, happy or jovial. Yes, I was about to have my beloved, monthly lady friend, and yes this often adds an extra dimension to my personality; almost as if a hint of Bipolar disorder has awoken from it's dormant state in the other three weeks of each month - girls, I know you understand what this means!
But something bothered me. And to be honest, I felt excruciatingly guilty that it bothered me and made me so uneasy.
I am so very lucky to have the life that I do - I have an absolutely beautiful, caring, loyal, trusting and soul matching man in my life. We get to look after his energetic, giggly, independent, footy loving 5 year old Son each Friday to Sunday. I have a full time job that pays all of my bills. I am in great health, have an amazing and supportive family and some good friends at which I can spend hours catching up and laughing over the silly things we have done in the week before our brunch and soy latte dates. I have found some new passions - of which excite me and turn any frown into a goofy 'my first boy crush', first time stepping out of the house wearing make-up grin - in Pilates, Wellness, Fitness and Health.

But something about having our little buddy around yelling in excitement of all the things we had to do today (which entailed get a milkshake, get some footy cards, play drive-way footy, play mini-golf, play some more drive-way footy in between the dropping in of the proud grandparents, Aunties and Uncles to visit him), and coming home to our humble little abode where every square inch of the floor was filled with toys, footy cards and clothes just made me uncomfortable. I desperately wanted to get into a new career path. I knew what area I wanted to head, as I embarked on my quest to become a Life/Wellness Coach, P.T and Pilates Instructor as well as having an active blog and corresponding social media sites, websites and online courses - but fitting this in with full time work, training, studying, family and social life was proving very difficult.
 
I suppose I was partly frustrated and nervous about the fact that I wanted to change my career in many ways, and I was worried about fitting the time in when I am only now a 'weekend Mum' - yet I still wanted to have a family of my own in years to come. It worried me and gave me a sense of guilt for taking the frustrations out on the little ray of sunshine around our place - but life certainly become a little more hectic and you had to be very giving and sharing of the space and time you once had. I just wanted to make sure I could make the changes necessary to bound into my new career  path with great success, but not at the expense of the things that are  dear and important to me - my family, friends and passions.

I have learnt from experience that going in head first until the point that you can't breathe, and every spare moment you get from the training/study time you only want to spend by yourself to give your over-active mind a rest, as you fall asleep or collapse on the couch (usually with a headache or sore throat of a run-down and looming illness on your doorstep), so I know the value of being able to give yourself some space and time to catch up and relax with friends and family. It gives you the space to remind you of what matters in life, and re-charges your soul to get back to business - rather than simply forcing yourself to go through the motions day in, day out.

Anyway - after our early walk up the street to start the days 'to-do list' according to our five year old, I felt a tightness in my throat and little sneaky tear starting to well at the back of my eye and a little tiny 'grumpy snap' towards my laid back man, as I started to worry about how I would fit my passion into my life. Of course, if full time work wasn't on the scene, there would be a lot more time to fulfill these. But until my passions became my work, that was not an option. I tried to go through the thought process of how I might fit this passion and career change into my life considering the non-negotiables - family time and full time work being the two biggest.

Weekends were generally filled with jobs you don't have time to do during the week, keeping the little guy occupied, training hours, driving time (I will happily pay someone to invent a teleportation device 50% of my life earnings!!!!) and trying to potentially grab a coffee or wine with a girlfriend.
That generally left finding a window of time either between teaching Physical Education and Health classes, counselling the Year 7 students through 'he said, she said and she looked at me' issues, driving, spending some alone time with my main man, cooking and preparing meals or after a busy day of waking at 5.15am - I'll admit, it was proving to be difficult. It would be okay if we could switch on our inspiration and creative juices on demand - but unfortunately it doesn't work like that.
You almost need to let your brain escape, get out of the house, get yourself into a meditative state and clean out the thoughts of life with a broom and shovel.
Today - I used the driving between Pilates and home (about a 45minute round trip) to think of a burning issue that has happened to me over the last few days for today's blog. It worked - partly because I had all of these guilty and creatively frustrated vibes seeping through my veins this morning, and a blog just had to be used as a therapeutic outlet. But squeezing in the rest is still in progress.
For now - I need to take a breathe, look at the amazing things that are in my life and dabble into the various passions and missions I have given myself when I can.

We, and I are human - life is here for living, not freaking out about and wasting it worrying about all of the things that it should be or needs to be.

I am lucky. I know it.

I choose to be happy.....

We all have days where we just  feel a bit down, unmotivated and in a struggle with your mind to try and focus on any of the positive things around you.

On a dreary, wet and cloudy Monday morning (yes - it was assisted to feel a little 'blah' by the attack of Monday-itis!), I went on a search to try and find something that would bring a smile to my growing sour smile. 

I went on a google search for inspiration, read a few pages of a couple of new e-books I have recently purchased (Gabrielle Bernstein, Lisa Messenger and Gretchen Rubin - you are life savers!!), and dragged myself out of bed to go for a soul searching run.

To sum up my findings, I thought I would share a few tips on increasing your level of happiness to try each day. 

And just to let you know - I found my 'mojo' again!!  :-)

1. Never dwell on the past

Your past is just a story. Everyone has a past – often full of pain, disappointment, missed opportunities, and unfulfilled expectations. No matter what your past looks like, it’s just a story – so don’t let it influence you. Make the present meaningful. Besides – it’s the past that shapes who you are, who you want to be and why you do what you do.

2. Never focus on what’s missing; look at what you actually have.

 Be grateful for and appreciate what you have. You could waste hours counting the things you would like to improve, which would only take you away from appreciating your real life. Gratitude puts situations into perspective and rewires your mind toward a positive direction.

3. Never underestimate quality time with yourself.

Don’t confuse happiness with excitement; a lasting joy of life grows when your mind is in peace. Making time for yourself is as important as devoting time to your everyday duties. Regular meditation, sport, contact with nature, and quality time spent reading will help you reconnect with yourself and hear your intuition again. Don’t get too caught up with social media and celebrity magazines, enjoy your own presence and take the time out from life’s fast pace to clear your head. It will remind you who you are, what you want and take away the clouded judgment you often let enter your thoughts.

4. Never stop improving yourself.

We are all different, and there is no perfect direction or path to our personal evolution. The whole point is to become the best version of YOU, and never stop taking lessons from your own life experiences. We will never stop learning, and to accept this will only make you a better, more rounded and wise person, who accepts that they will learn from others, their experiences and your own mistakes.

5. Never be too harsh on yourself.

Many of us are our own worst critics, constantly talking down every success. Accept that you will never be ideal – and see this as okay. In the process of self-development, embracing your vulnerabilities has been scientifically proven to be a key component of happiness.

6. Never lose a sense of purpose in what you are doing.

“What you do today is important, because you are exchanging a day of your life for it.” – Unknown

Your time and life power are limited, so spend them wisely and target your energy towards something meaningful. Finding a purpose helps you live a bigger life.

7. Never treat your body badly.

A truly happy soul can only live in a healthy body. Your body will “send you a bill” for the trash you’ve eaten, the sports classes you’ve skipped, your long nights of partying, and your long hours of stressful work. Treat your body as your biggest investment; it will have to serve you your entire life.

8. Never value material things more than experiences.

Experiences bring people more happiness than possessions, which never keep you satisfied. Experiences will last in your head forever, nourish your mind, and become a memory which will light up your face with a smile on a bad day.

9. Never compare yourself to other people.

Everyone lives life at a different pace, which makes us each special and beautiful. The sooner you embrace your uniqueness and the differences between you and other people, the happier you will be. Surround yourself with people who appreciate you for who you really are without trying to change you or re-frame you.

10. Never let your bad thoughts grow.

“The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts” – Marcus Aurelius

Being judgmental, jealous, or angry will at some point turn against you. A bad thought can trigger bad speech, just as bad words provoke bad actions. Don’t let your mind initiate anything you’d be ashamed of later. Be aware of your thought processes, change the negative into positive before you become taken over by a barrage of worry and negativity.

11. Never fear to embrace change.

“You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one.”- Unknown

As you accept the laws which change our life, our bodies, and the way we evolve, you will see the unique beauty of every moment in life with all its natural flow. Be open to new opportunities and learn to accept the changes you can’t influence.

12. Never blame others for your own failures.

Be responsible for your actions and their outcomes. Taking responsibility gives you a sense of power over your life; blaming your life on circumstances can make you feel powerless.

13. Never tame your curiosity.

“If you do nothing unexpected, nothing unexpected happens.” – Fay Weldom

Be curious and ask a lot of questions. Travel, observe, read, watch, and talk with smart people to open your mind and explore the world. Inquisitive thinking and a passion for exploring will nourish your mind.

14. Never stop being mindful.

“Don’t wait for the perfect moment. Take the moment and make it perfect” – Unknown

Learn to mindfully observe, smell, hear, and fully appreciate every minute of your life. Those who can’t conscientiously notice and appreciate the present moment aren’t able to be fully happy.

15. Never forget about your loved ones.

Care about those who are happy to see you succeed in life and support you in difficult times. Avoid harsh critiques and make sure these people know how glad you are that they’re a part of your life. Better yet – let them know how special they are to you by writing them a random note, cooking them a meal or doing an unexpected act of kindness!

16. Never worry about the things you cannot influence.

Worrying about things you can’t influence is a waste of time and makes you feel unnecessarily miserable. You have no control over the things that other people or environments do – you can only control your own thoughts and reactions to these. Half of the things you worry about don’t even happen – or they are of small impact on the scale of your life if they did happen.

17. Never attach happiness to something in the future.

“Think of all the beauty that is still left in and around you and be happy.” – Anne Frank

Many people live like they’re waiting for something – to find a perfect love partner, to get promoted, or to retire with a good pension. Don’t postpone your happiness to a moment in the future; life is all about enjoying the journey. Notice all of the positive things around you, not just why you don’t want to be there and why you want to get to the next ‘venture’.

18. Never stop meeting new people.

“People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges.” – Joseph F Newton

Surrounding yourself with happy people makes you happier. Meeting new people nowadays is easy, due to open lifestyles, new technologies, internet forums and mobile applications. It would be a waste to not make the most of this opportunity. Even people who enter your life for a short time can teach you important lessons and make your life more colourful.

19. Never let your ego win.

Acting with anger and following your insecurities can only complicate your life situation. Instead, act with compassion and humility towards others. Showing maturity will make your relations with others more joyful and fulfilling.

20. Never voluntary harm.

Every choice you make, every word you say, and every purchase you make impacts someone’s life. Choose to be a good person. The more friendly you are to others, the more the favor is returned to you. Think before you act.

21. Never stop living life to the fullest.

Live intensely. Do what you want and enjoy it with all your senses. Start working on fulfilling your dreams as soon as possible. If something were to happen to you to prevent you from doing the things you most wanted to do in life, why not do it today? This isn’t to say that we should all drop out of work and travel the world living on the streets busking – but try to do at least one thing most  days that gives you a buzz!

22. Never forget to smile.

“Use your smile to change the world; don’t let the world change your smile.” – Unknown

You don’t know what the person in front of you is going through. Be kind to others and share your smiles and positive words. Isn’t it amazing to make someone’s day a little better in such a simple way?

23. Never be afraid to completely change your life.

It is never too late to completely change your life and make it more meaningful. Let your mind be free and surprise you from time to time.  Go with the flow and open yourself up to different possibilities. Sit down with a pen and paper and write down or scribble about all the things that give you the fuzzy, butterfly stomach feeling or make you wake up smiling each day. Those are the things that you should be doing more of – anything you are passionate about will work, and people will see this!

24. Never be afraid of being alone.

“If you make friends with yourself you will never be alone.” – Maxwell Maltz

Don’t be afraid of being alone. Happiness is internal, and you don’t need anyone or anything to be happy. Learn to have fun on your own: walk, travel, eat good food, etc. Being alone doesn’t mean to you have to be lonely. Look at monks for example – they are happy in solitude.

It’s also fine to only keep a couple of close friends. Some people were made to have lots of people around them constantly and a large, close circle of friends, while others are happy with one or two people who they might only catch up with once every week or so. It doesn’t make you any less special, interesting or ‘friendly’, it just means you are content with yourself and who you are!

 (Sourced from Life-Hack)

Lastly – the more you look for happiness, the more it will come and knock at your door!

A random act of kindness...

After a tough 'Sunday-funday' morning at Pilates, I was well and truly ready to escape and re-fuel with a delicious extra hot, soy milk latte at the cafe nearby.
 I ordered. Virtually drooling at the mouth from the aromas floating around me and went to hand over my newly cut five dollar note to pay, but was stopped in my tracks. A middle aged guy wearing a hat, sunglasses and some very fashionista-like shredded jeans pulled my arm away and said "this is my gift to you". At first - as a young women wearing leggings and relatively tight Pilates gear, you wouldn't blame me for feeling a bit skeptical; I was not in the mood or of the desire to get a date from my post-workout coffee.
And as human nature beholds, the motive of a guy buying you coffee suggests that he probably isn't doing it a a friendly gesture with no strings attached.
To my surprise, the gentleman walked away with a smile on his face without any further communications or questions asked.

It was a random act of kindness, a simple and yet generous gesture from a complete stranger that made my morning.
                                        
I thought it was then my prerogative to pass on my good fortune and unexpected surprise to another unsuspecting person. I went to the newsagent and brought a 10 pack of 'just because' cards. I then wrote a personal and positive message to my ten closest work-mates and left them a pleasant surprise in their pigeon holes the very next day.

I'm not sure which one made me happier, or gave me more of a sense of surprising brightness - receiving that latte paid for by a stranger, or seeing the smiling faces of the people who I gave the cards to!
To be honest, I'd say that the warm hugs, the goofy grins, the look of complete surprise when each person found a tiny brown envelope with a pen drawn love heart in among the pile of boring paperwork in their staff pigeon holes was the best part of my day!
The lesson taken from that - always give out more than you receive, and never be afraid to bring some positive brightness to the days of others.
Each of those ten people approached me to thank me for the cards and their message, and also left with a positive outlook on their day to day routine, rather than feeling buried in the everyday work tasks and negativity.
It was something different, something unexpected and something that focused on the simple things that we often over-look.

A random act of kindness can come in any form. It might  be offering the person behind you a spot in front of you  at the supermarket cashier, giving a homeless person or a busker money as you pass them on a crowded street, giving a compliment to a stranger or someone you barely know, helping an elderly person cross the street or carrying their shopping, bringing dinner over to a friends house or doing the house chores while your house-mate or partner is at work.

The benefits of performing random acts of kindness are amazing - it helps release Oxytocin to reduce blood pressure and act as a protector against cardiac health issues, it improves mental health and outlook, mortality is delayed, depression is reduced, self satisfaction is improved, sense of overall wellness and quality of life is also raised. http://drdavidhamilton.com/ , http://blog.case.edu/case-news/2007/06/01/postbook

A small, or large random act of kindness can go a very long way in making the world a better place for both you and the people you 'act' your kindness towards!

What are you waiting for?

  

"But there's always next time".......quality over quantity

A comment by the warm hearted and friendly receptionist/Personal trainer at the Pilates studio I attend said a comment that really resounded with me today....
He started by asking me how my weekend has been? I replied and said "pretty good thanks, but it's just a shame it's already Sunday afternoon and the weekend is almost over!". He simply looked at me with a puzzled, but calm expression on his face and replied - "but there's always next weekend".
You know what? There is!

Isn't it funny how life can take us on a roller-coaster of adventure, work, study, travel, 'to-do lists' and gym workouts that sometimes we forget the simple fact that - there is always another day.
It's so easy to stress about the things we haven't finished; house work we haven't got to, new cafe's to try, time for a quick 'Nana nap' on the couch, time to read a capturing book, time to catch up with friends, time to get outdoors for some fresh end-of-winter air, time to get our heads around the ever changing news and current affairs of today's world, time to explore a new place, time to spend with family etc. etc. etc!!! If we really had the time to do everything we wanted in one weekend - we would have to remain awake from Friday to the wee hours of Monday morning, invent a time freeze machine or just accept the simple fact that we can't do everything.

                                                      
Most of us have been born into this world to be fortunate enough to have years to complete everything we fee we need to - and if not, the world doesn't end. It simply means that you've given yourself the time to enjoy the things you can do.

"It's all about quality, not quantity". It would be a terrible shame if we became so invested in trying to do everything and 'out-do' everyone else's 'instagram and facebook lives', that we forget to smell the roses and savor every moment of life that we have created.
Why not choose one thing to accomplish each day, each weekend, or even each week - what harm is it going to do if you reach that goal or 'tick that box' in a pace that suits you, your lifestyle and your needs.
Life is here to be lived yes - but to live a life you will remember and cherish is to also enjoy the moments you experience.

                                                        
Take a deep breath, have a look around you, taste those flavors of the amazing roast dinner you have cooked, smell the fresh aroma of you Sunday coffee, feel the breeze blow on your face next time you step outside, listen to the sound of the birds or trees blow in the wind - tantalize your senses and appreciate your existence and surroundings.

Aftr this morning's 'A-ha moment', I took myself on a people watching slow lap around Melbourne's The tan track; breathing deeply to take in the array of characters, fitness, fashion and conversations. I then thought about every muscle stretching and burning as the smooth sounds of the reformer bed moved in and out. I then took myself out for a nourishing lunch at a new cafe; indulging in the taste and texture of my eggs, vegetables and fresh juice, finishing off the afternoon by letting my creativity run free, letting my thoughts take hold over some reflective writing.


Let the knowledge and comfort of thought be with you knowing that there is always next weekend to explore new territory. Take the time to smell the roses. Enjoy and savor the moments of the life you live in.

XX

A woman's worst enemy....

It’s amazing how women, many of whom have issues with image, confidence and a general negative self-esteem are so patronizing toward each other – and we’re the first to do it to each other!!

After trawling through shops looking for clothes, I felt myself feeling very small, second guessing my worth to be able to walk into a shop and questioning my choice in outfit, hair, my skin color, shoes, handbag, even my the way I had my make-up (or non – existent make up!).

Somewhere along the way, we had grown into our own worst enemy. We are our number one judges and critics of everything about ourselves. The horrifying thing is that it is not just one or two of our magnificent gender, but almost all of us! Sometimes I don’t feel that I can make eye contact with other women as they are so intimidating; staring at every inch of us, making us feel as if there is something wrong about us. Most of the time it has become so habitual that we don’t realize we are doing it.

 

As I found myself walking into a shop filled with awesome clothes, clothes that suit my fashion vibe, clothes that I should feel very comfortable and excited to scan over – I found myself becoming like a shy school girl as the red lipped, baleyaged blonde shop attendant with a tight pencil skirt and high heels “Hi, how’s it going-ed” me and proceeded to ‘accidentally’ check out my image. It was as if I couldn’t see her, but oh – how I sensed the judgmental vibes! I slunk around the shop quickly and stepped outside again where a weight felt as if it were lifted off my shoulders.

Shop number two – a little classier and more expensive, but hey, a little browsing never hurt anyone! Again – I could feel the eyes of each FEMALE shop attendant and fake laugh to go with the ringing of “Hi, can I help you?”. Strike 2.

Walking to the next shop and I even found myself (without realising!) checking out the shapes, sizes, clothing and walk of the women who walk past. Taking notice now – I didn’t even look twice and a passing male. They could be shirtless and be wearing ugg boots for all I knew – unless we applied this to a Channing Tatum look-a-like of course!!

Anyway – I left the shopping center 2 hours later with somewhat of a bruised ego and ready to have a little ‘R & R’ time as I jump in my car singing at the top of my lungs to the funky beats playing on the radio.

Strike three – listening to the female presenter on the radio talking about the ‘arrogance’ and ‘over-confidence’ of a celebrity who has just made it to the top ten of the music charts in the US. Oh boy – we need to change something. We need to take the critic hat off; it’s as if we have just finished filming a season of ‘My Kitchen Rules’ or ‘Next top model’ that we have to criticize and compare every little thing each other does.

Watching The Bachelor last night; even my much laid back boyfriend couldn’t believe how insulting, negative, bitchy, analytic and again criticising the women who were fighting for Sam’s love were. They even spoke about ‘the girl code’ of not ‘cutting anyone else’s grass’, but three seconds later – they did and said that realistically if any of the other girls were in their situation, they would do the same! Ah well – who needs to look after each other?!

 It is horrible to watch, one could never blame anyone for the amount of tears and emotions that are shed on that TV show, it certainly is every women for herself!

Girls – listen up, we need to stop doing this. We are always on the lookout for things that make us feel great about ourselves; a healthy diet, summer skies, a kick-ass boot camp or Pilates workout, a scrumptious and cleansing green smoothie or a soul recharging retreat. But – how often do we stop to think about the things that contribute to our feeling a little worse for wear?

I question myself and my place in the world all too often. Yes – careers, family, a hectic social schedule and too many things on our ‘to-do’ lists play a part – but wouldn’t things be much easier if we each existed in a life that we feel safe, loved and content? Wouldn’t life be more fun and satisfying if we had the confidence and courage to challenge ourselves regularly? Which part of judging ourselves will send us on an epic journey of sisterhood and support?

I know that from my own experience with mental health issues in the past, and many sessions with a Counselor working through Cognitive Behavioral therapy – she revealed a really sad thing that I had been holding onto with my subconscious which effected every thought I had. “I am not good enough”. 

Let’s just think ourselves through, pull up our gorgeous lady-filled skirts and take care of the thoughts and feelings growing within us that can affect our outlook on life and mental health for the rest of our lives.

XXX