Can having too much knowledge be at a detriment to us? How a culture shock can bring back simplicity.....

After a day spent bike riding, walking and driving through many local Balinese villages in the Ubud area, both my Fiancee and I were so timely reminded of how much ur society has progressed and changed from the original, traditional way of life.

Some might say this is for good - and in many ways it certainly is! We've been able to uncover some amazing medical treatments and new knowledge which would never have been known had we not have the high tech research and technology of today. We  are able to communicate with anyone in the world with the use of communication forms such as social media, email, skype and internet forums. We have technology that is labor saving, meaning that we have the capacity to build new suburbs within weeks! We know how to live (although, unfortunately this is not followed through by many as is reflected in the high rates of preventable lifestyle diseases and illness among developed countries), to give ourselves a gradually higher, and higher life expectancy. We are able to travel to and PAY for regular visits to other countries at the tips of our fingers, or keyboard!

Of course, the above changes  are only the tip of the ice-berg, but it is truly incredible how far we have come in many ways.

On the other hand - as we met and spoke to many local village people, we were reminded of the importance and place of simplicity. These village people live in very basic concrete and wooden buildings, most of which do not have doors, are hand made by the families who live in them, do not have electricity, live off a choice of a handful of different ingredients to cook each meal and live off the land - in peace.
What really strikes me about these people is how placid, relaxed, not anxious, not searching for more, not in competition with anyone and how incredibly friendly they were to each other (and us!). They live in a world that they created. They do not have money - barely enough to live. They are in no way effected or pushed along by the fast pace of a Western or modern society. Each person has their own place, their role to play in the village and they have a huge importance on religion and family. The few cars and scooter bikes on the road as their main means of transport can sometimes we stuck in traffic jams lasting hours, part of the problem of having no over-bearing road rules or traffic control systems in place. But you know what - we have not seen one crash, one angry driver argument or so much as a scowl from someone who thought another pushed in front of them. If anything - they went out of their way to make sure the cars and bikes around them were ok and had room to fit on the road safely! Again - they have the nature filled with beauty, love and content.

To compare this way of living with the developed world, if we have come so far as a society - then why the hell are we so unhappy??
Is it that we have too much information and knowledge at our hands? So much that we remain in the ever present search for improvement and perfection in everything we do? Could knowledge and money not be such a positive thing?
Is it that we are too engulfed in our virtual worlds that we have lost of sense of who we are as a race?

As I sit here in the afternoon sunshine looking at the people around me (completely contradicting this blog, or perhaps proving the point?), all but one of the fifteen people here have reached down to utilize the hotels wifi and scan on facebook, instagram, twitter, check emails or to work on business documents at least once in the last hour. We are so connected with every part of the world that we don't know how to get off the merry-go-round or 'Fear Of Missing Out' on something.
What happens if something happened on 'The Bachelor' back home and I missed it? What happens if something happened at work or to someone I know (but potentially haven't spoken to since high school 15 years ago!!) and I am not there to hear about it straight away?? Haha - do you see how ridiculous that sounds? Although this is one of a million examples of technology uses in our lives, but do we honestly think that knowing the details of people we do not even associate with anymore is going to effect our lives AT ALL???
I'll be honest - I have been known to wake up, lay in bed for half an hour checking emails and social media before I actually start making use of the day ahead (sneaking in a few social media checks throughout the day). I read somewhere that an average young adult uses social media for 6 hours a day!!! 6 hours!! Holy cow - and we all complain that there are not enough hours in the day to do the things we want or need to!

Back to knowledge - if knowledge is power, and the labor saving devices we have created through this knowledge has the capacity to make an incredibly sublime human race. How are we at our highest rate of obesity, diet  related illness (note - labor saving has given us processed and nutritionally lacking convenience food - no sign of MacDonald's or 'H.J's in Ubud!!), stress levels, back problems and mental health issues? I'm sure that whoever the creators of many of the devices did not have these thoughts in the back of their minds when they were putting their knowledge to work, but look how we have somehow managed to create a monster out of the once simple, but effective way of living - such as many cultures do  - living off the land.

In real terms - there is not a possibility of going back in time, and as I said earlier, we have gained plenty and will continue to expand in our technology and understanding of the world. But perhaps it's time for us to chill out, tune out and give ourselves some time to reflect.
Give your soul a break and the chance to think about and act on what makes it shine so passionately.

Lets not remember the hundreds of years of knowledge that our ancestors gained and lived with before technology and 'power finances' began to develop. What REALLY matters to you? What, if you sat and thought about it could you place low on the catastrophe scale of things that happen to you?
You spill some coffee on the way to work - annoying yes, but deal breaking and actually affecting the outcome of your life - NO!
You didn't see the dress Hayley Adcock or Bec Judd were wearing at the 'Brownlow medal' last night - damn - but you know what, I am in no way, shape or form going to be a better or worse form than if I did see it!
Miss out on your favorite bootcamp instructor because your alarm didn't go off that morning - incredibly annoying, agitated yes - but soul destroying NO!

My point is -  lets just put things in perspective.
I would encourage all of you to make sure you immerse yourself in a village or culture that is set apart from the developed world (better yet, go and do some volunteering or regular travel), to remind you of how importance simplicity in our lives.

Simplicity is sometimes the most effective thing you can do and base your lives on - we still have so much to learn from our under-developed friends. Love, passion, peace and spirituality.

How it feels to be proposed to.....YES!!!!

Two days ago, I became a fiancee'! A small, but HUGE life event for two thirty year olds who are madly in-love to go through.

Three days ago, while this 'fiancee' of mine was scrolling through his emails with his laptop open wide in front of me - I noticed a booking to 'Il Restaurante Bali'. Although this was the only thing that got me thinking - it was the first time I started to get a little suspicious of the possibilities that could happen while in Bali - yes, Bali (the greatest place to relax, get some glorious sunshine and take some  time to re-focus on what's important in life).

That same day, 'he' was set on making sure he had a carry on satchel or small suitcase for the plane. Usually it's just a 'throw what you can into Ash's bag situation - so much so that last time my bag ripped at the sides before we even sat down on the plane! What could he possibly have to put in a larger bag that he would normally give to me? I-pad, phone, book, earphones? All of those together didn't warrant anything over-sized.

The next clue - when walking through duty-free at the airport - I was promptly and authoritatively told to 'go and do some shopping', while 'he' went to the tax declaration stand. Hmm - this is looking quite suspicious, and being a girl in such a perfect relationship started to ring the 'proposal alarm bells'! Could it be??

The next morning, and as the sun was rising during an awakening beach walk - 'he' quietly and calmly said that he has booked us a nice table at a restaurant near Uluwatu, past Jimabarn Bay. Knowing that Jimbaran bay was one of the most amazing and charismatic dining ventures I had ever been on (on the beach as the sun sets with mariachi playing in the background and FRESH seafood selected by you), I was definitely getting excited and felt my stomach start to develop some butterflies (the extremely somersaulting, fluttery type I will add!!).

I think as human nature is, and the way that we somehow train the emotional side of our brains not to respond to anything that could feel amazing on the insides, unless we're absolutely sure. So, with my nervous excitement, I tried to push the butterflies aside and tell myself how happy I was at this moment, with who I am with and the incredible relationship we have already. I didn't want to ruin the moment by  over-thinking, analyzing and hoping for something that may just be a figure of my imagination. At the very  least -  we'd be sharing in an amazing dinner at a cliff top restaurant which I've read is breathtaking, five star and filled with people who have bucket loads of finacial success!!

As the day went on, 'he' was quite happy to have more drinks than usual. Besides the first day of our Summer holiday together, it started with Bintangs, then 'he' asked for tequila shots at  lunch, then came the cocktails pre-drive - followed by several more cocktails and wine. Which - to be honest, I was quite okay with, particularly when it was paired with the best tacos I have ever eaten!!

As we proceed in the afternoon showers, dressing and getting ready to head out. 'He' became a little quiet. I tried not to look too much into it  and make a scene of it, but 'he' kept rummaging around, touching his pockets, digging through his bag and looked in 'deep thought' for the last couple of hours before we were ready to go.
As we jumped into the taxi, 'he' brought his sunglasses case, but when he took his sunglasses off his head, he did not put them back into their secure case. The bells were certainly ringing now - OMG, does he actually have a ring in their? He fumbled some more and kept a very tightly closed hand over it, making sure it didn't slip out of his grip.

'He'd booked a seat at the bar, for us  to watch the unforgettable sunset that shone across the pacific ocean, and gave you a view of the entire bay for miles. Looking out onto the water made it seem like we were the only ones on the earth, and had a sense of seclusion; which I felt so safe and comfortable with because I was in the arms of my love. What a special place to be.. We could be anywhere in the world, but were so lucky to be able to witness something so majestic, and feel so much passion between us as the day and evening unfolded.

After a cocktail,  some romantic music playing the background - we moved up to the best seat in the restaurant to a candlelit table - where champagne await us.
After ordering, 'he' kept getting a goofy grin over his face, and he looked as if he was going to say something, but kept pulling out at the last minute.  I tried not to get caught up in this 'shyness', but couldn't help it. It turned us into two little giggly kids, sitting very straight up into our five star 'Bulgari Hotel - Il restaurant' chairs, fiddling with our fingers and kicking our feet.

I looked up from the menu, to 'he' holding his glass of champagne, grinning....... "I think this is the perfect time to tell you how much I love you. You mean so much to me........and (giggle), I just wanted to say that I want to spend the rest of my life with you...(giggle) - will you marry me?".
Just like that - I was left speechless. When you're growing up, watching romantic movies on the TV - you always imagine what it would be like  to be asked to marry someone. You imagine how it would sound, what you would say in return, what environment you would be set up in - but at the moment, I was absolutely stunned and just giggled back in return "ow - as if I would say no! Of course I will!". Perhaps not as sweet and perfect as I imagine, but we did it - we were officially engaged and 'fiance-ed'!!!
We both couldn't believe it!! For something that for many, is a planned and expected relationship progression, we both suddenly felt so grown up! For something that means you are both committing to sharing your life together forever, nothing changes - but everything changes! What  a surreal and exciting experience!
Photos were taken, stories were shared of how 'he' had met with my 'Daddy dearest' earlier that week to ask for permission to marry his eldest daughter, how he'd taken his very stylish Mum to help him shop for the perfect ring (this ring was stunning and unlike anything I had ever seen before!! For something I had never really put too much thought into - I knew it was exactly what I wanted, and it symbolizes the perfect love we have for each other), how he wasn't sure what to  plan or when he wanted to propose - but all the same - we both couldn't wipe the smiles off our faces!

As we left the restaurant fairly late, it's amazing how fast time goes when the rush of adrenaline, excitement and the occurrence of something so amazing happens! As we left the restaurant for the long car trip home - we couldn't help but share our news with the waiters/waitress' at the venue. We laugh to think about it now - but I'm fairly sure we were the only ones excited, as there was nothing more than a polite smile and grunt from the receiving end of the news!
There just so happened to be a wedding that night, so we were taken up to the taxi area by a gold buggy draped in white cloth and fresh flowers - which just topped off the night.

As the time difference made it difficult to share the news with our family and friends, I slept no more than one hour that night in preparation for waking up the next morning to start the phone calls and messages - to some very excited people!!
I'm a soon-to-be Step Mum of 'his' 5 year old boy, I am going to join a second family and gain some fantastic and loving 'in-laws', I get to change my name, we can think about  planning a wedding......so much to think about - but the buzz that remains (it's going to take a very long time - I'm still shaking as I reminisce the moment!!!) is enough to zap a billion mosquitoes in a 'bug catcher'!!

As we sit laying poolside, calling each other 'fiancee' as a novelty, we join hand in hand, heart in heart, soul to soul in a friendship and partnership that  will last forever. I couldn't be more excited about life and the person who I will get to spend it with!!

Lucky me!! Lucky us!

FLOW - what is it and how can we find it?

The last four months have been busy! Each weekend has been spent trying to cram as much as possible in, while still trying to remain calm, collected and reaching for new goals with training, course participation, study and completing practical hours required to complete my qualifications.
Don't get me wrong - I WANT to be doing these things, and I know that they are just one of the 'cons' of moving into a new career path - but it hasn't been all smooth sailing and easy, with a few compromises and sacrifices made along the way.

I have found myself with a wandering mind...

It's funny how when you stop doing the things that subconsciously give you confidence, your mind starts to feel as if it is unable to complete the things that should come easy to you.

I haven't been able to run as much as I would have liked to (well - waking up at 4am on weekends didn't seem like a sustainable option on top of the usual 5am weekday training before work during the week - fair call hey!). 

I'd gone from creeping up my mileage and feeling strong at 25km plus, to accepting that life is only allowing me to fit in 10-12km at the most - obviously making running my usual half marathons and hopeful marathon this year a stretch!

Although I was and am busy, in my mind, I felt a form of 'defeat', and felt as if something was missing. 

This lead me to feel a sense of dissatisfaction, reduced motivation and in a sense a lack  of confidence. This stems off into feeling as if I am unable to do everyday tasks, achieve what I want to be achieving in my career, unable to complete the half marathon or full (yeah - scary!) goal I set for myself (which - up until a couple of weeks ago, felt somewhat attainable!), unsure about the direction I am heading in life....confidence plays a very big role in our ability to take on larger tasks.

So how do we get this confidence running through our veins you ask?

During a hard run session, it is as if my body has to demonstrate to my mind that it is suitable and up to any upcoming challenges. 
And when my body does what I want it to - I feel as if I am ready to take on a new challenge again! It's as if our mind has to interview our body, and occasionally, the other way around, to ensure that it is capable of being 'at one' with the other. 
Being able to connect the two - mind and body, makes you a far stronger person, and give you the confidence to challenge yourself in tasks all throughout your day to day lives.

Being able to feel a sense of 'flow', where our body (or skill level - such a running, or completing a task at work) is matched with the level of challenge, makes us forget all of the little 'troubles' in our lives. For a period of time, we feel clear headed, confident and with a sense of growth and satisfaction. This 'flow' is what people, particularly high achievers become addicted to, and understandably!!

To help strengthen your mind and grow in confidence, ideally, you should be doing something that gets you into your 'FLOW ZONE' at least once a week, if not more. The feeling is almost meditative - refreshing, rejuvenating and leaving you with a feeling of butterflies and a GIANT smile on your face.

Each person is going to have something totally different to the next which gets them feeling flow, and as if nothing else exists. For some, it might be singing, others it might be writing, for many it could be something more physical.

I know that one of mine is running. I've been on long runs through tracks among the trees, where I've completely zoned out so much that I can't even remember running through certain parts of the track! At first i wasn't sure if I had blacked out or was starting to come down with a bit of a bug - but after looking into it -  the flow was raging for me at that moment. It was incredible and I cam back from the run in a completely different mindset to that when I left home.

So how can we keep this so-called 'flow', allowing us to feel awesome and accomplished more often?

1) Set yourself a goal or a task (Remember, we have to make something challenging for our 'skills'; not too difficult to cause anxiety, and not too easy to cause boredom). For most of us, this will be something we need to think back on a time or moment in our lives when we felt 'just right'. What were you doing? Where were you?

2) Focus on the moment. Take the time to look around you, feel what your body/mind is doing rather than the extra large 'to do list' sitting on your fridge at home. Think about your breathing, look around you, listen to the sounds.

3) Focus on something that you can control. For example, as much as you like - you can't control everything.  So, the reaction of others, relationships or employment may be a little unreasonable to focus on all the time - think about your response, your actions, your own goals.

4) The more effort you put into your goal - generally the better result, and the resulting more regular 'flow' will occur. So 'go and get them girl!'.

Giving yourself challenging, but attainable goals is a brilliant and proven way to improve your confidence. Be it a physical, mental, family, workplace, academic or travel goal - the feeling of 'flow' you get from reaching it, or even knowing that you're getting closer to your goal will improve your confidence. It amazingly has a ripple effect on your outlook on life and gives you the confidence to try new challenges, or push yourself out of your comfort zone.

Anxiety - Negativity....looking forward!

The second half of  Tuesday night, and the early hours of Wednesday morning had me feeling a sense of nausea. 

I had been ill over the weekend, and was absent from work completing my Wellness Coaching Level 1 and 2 courses on Friday - which left me taking leave Friday through to Wednesday. While I spent time at home with the remnants of a gurgley, groaning and 'gushing' (yes - I just said gushing and stomach in the same sentence!!)- in my mind I had somehow developed a sense of anxiety.

I was anxious about going back to work, anxious about that other staff would think of me being away, anxious of the workload and anxious about a lot of completely irrelevant things (back to the questioning - do I want to do this job forever? What do I plan on doing next year if I am not in my current role? How am I going to develop my own business? Will I have enough money and training to do the things I need to?)....ARGH!

I felt my shoulders shrugging, my stomach tying itself in knots, my head starting to throb, my jaw starting the clench, my usual relaxed and humorous personality was getting a little short (sorry lovely Boyfriend!!) while I was building a vision in my mind of the environment I was going to walk into tomorrow.

My energy's turned into opening up my laptop and doing as much work as I could on the business plan I had started to envisage while at the Wellness Coaching Course. The anxiety was compressed into this idea that if I kept my brain occupied and extremely busy, then I  would feel productive and there would be less chance of me needing to feel anxious.....This helped for a few hours.

I then turned to researching on the internet the type of thing that I could do as either extra training, work or finding a mentor to assist me in figuring out what i was doing with myself!! Ha - just letting you know, I am 30 so I don't think this is a mid-life crisis, as much as it sounds like this last year has been!

I finally got myself into bed after some comfort eating for dinner (I may or may not have turned to an overly cheesy pizza, and some ice cream WITH chocolate melted on top of it...amazingly, no wine had been touched - if only it was in the fridge!!), and forced myself to listen to some meditation while I curl into the covers with a racing mind. 'You are supported', 'Nothing is going to happen to you in this place'. I drifted into a deep sleep.

As the alarm went off at 5.15am, I jumped out of bed and headed out the front door with my runners and compression tights on for a nice, energizing and mind clarifying run before work. 

I ran, showered, ate my 'superfood breakfast' and drove off to work.From 5.15am, through to 8.30am (when class officially started), I had to self talk my way into going to work. It wasn't easy, but I got there and when 3.30pm came, I had made it through a full day of work unscathed! 

One thing that i did take from the Coaching course, through practicing Coaching with the other participants, when I was saying the 'obstacles' or things that were concerning me aloud - many of them were either unsubstantiated, irrelevant, things that were able to be over-come or purely reasons that i had built up in my mind because I wanted whatever it was that i was doing to be doing REALLY well. The notion of really well had been bouncing back and forth with my inner critique that lies dormant (but yet subconsciously, and sneakily active at the best of times!), in saying that 'I am not good enough'.

So here I have one energetic and enthusiastic hat that wants to be the best at whatever I do, while the other retaliates and says'but hey - you're not good enough' - so fairly sure this eventuates to the outcome always being 'I will never be able to do an amazing job at what i choose to do'.

In real terms - obviously this is completely unhelpful for any situation. It is a thought process that will never allow me to be completely confident, satisfied and being strong enough to face and complete the challenges I  set  for myself.

Some of my concerns lay with not finishing things I start - courses, plans, visions etc. Who can blame me with a thought process like mine!!!

Earlier that week we had to express interest and apply for Leading positions within my  place of work. I applied - but for a slight step down in 'Team leader assist'. My mindset was still stuck on the fact that I wasn't good enough to apply for the full position, which I had been doing for the past year - without too many hiccups.

The funny thing was - the next day, I was approached by 3 of the people who I admire in the role I am doing most - asking why I didn't apply for the Full Team leader. They were genuinely surprised and couldn't understand why I didn't, re-enforced to me the skills that I had, and that I was hugely under-selling myself. Eventually, after some more 'self talk', I applied for the full position.

From the negative mindset of worry, anxiety and a severe lack of confidence, to people approaching me with compliments and the outcome of me challenging myself - it  was a complete shift!

So - what can I take away from this?

Listen to your thoughts. Then reflect on whether they are helpful or not. Think about the evidence to prove that this thought can be substantiated. MOST of the time they can't. At least this can then give your mind the green light to look ahead and continue on it's merry way in doing what you set out to.

Doubting yourself and your own abilities only leads to anxieties and negative thought patterns; which eventually lead to you blocking out all of the positives and possibilities around you.

Of course, we all have days when we take two or three steps back, but we have to keep in mind that as long as we continue trying - those two or three steps back lead to one or more steps forward. As small as they may be, those goals can always be reached - but the key is in your mindset.

A strong mind makes for an incredibly strong, successful person.

Re-wiring your brain - from pessimism to optimism!

After completing a full and energizing weekend of Wellness Coach training (part 1 I might add..and can't wait to complete the remainder of the course!), I found myself feeling in a really invigorating place.
From the moment I walked into the conference room full of people who were also completing the workshops, I could feel the positive energy, the open-mindedness, the passion, the want to grow as a person and professional and the immense desire to help others get the very best of themselves.

I can tell you - this was not a space full of doom and gloom or people complaining about the shocking train ride into the concrete jungle of the city or the thick books of paperwork we had to get through - but of people who were genuinely excited to be there.
We sat down at 9 am sharp, with pens in hand and listened with intent to the insight and how to's of a career or skill set we each hoped to develop.........

Much of the framework for Wellness Coaching is based on 'Positive Psychology', an area which many scientists and professionals have researched it's effects on people and their ability to carry out day to day tasks.

According to Dr. Martin Seligman (a pioneer in the field of the elements required for well being), we all have the ability to be optimistic about life. He found that each of us are born with an innate level of optimism, and throughout life depending on our environment and the experiences we go through, this optimism can turn into more pessimism - some developing into severe mental illness. He suggested that to 're-shape', 'heal' and in a sense 're-wire' our brains to be more resilient and optimistic about life, we need to think about the following elements:

Positive emotions - surprise; we need to experience more positive emotions to over-come the negative thoughts each day. 
How do we learn to do this to the point that we can self regulate? Start by writing down 3 positive events that happened to you each day before you go to bed. Apparently, for each negative emotion, we need to have 3 positive emotions to re-balance - the reason being that unfortunately negative emotions tend to hang around for longer. So - get that gratitude journal cranking again! If you've had a bad day, I'd challenge you to think harder to write down more positive events to balance it out (ANYTHING - e.g the weather, a smile form a stranger, you letting someone drive in front of you at the merging lane on the way to work, a nice, crispy apple you had today). Practice makes perfect - so do this each day for a couple of weeks and reflect on the difference.

(www.positivityratio.com - a great site to test your in-built ratio of optimism vs. pessimism).

Engagement - The more regularly we engage in things that give us a sense of 'flow', the higher our sense of well being and outlook on life. 
When we engage in things that we find ourselves getting completely absorbed in, challenged, feeling as if we felt a sense of 'hey - that was fun' or 'when can I do that again?', and something that giving us a sense of jumping out of bed each day to participate in - we've found our flow, similar to a passion. It might be something that is totally irrelevant to anything else we do in our day to day things, but just something that we can lose ourselves in - and do it regularly! (Think long runs, writing, meditation, reading, singing........). Think about creating a 'vision board'; and posting photos, images, quotes, words or mementos of the things you enjoy doing to get you to focus on the things that might give you your flow.

Positive relationships - Arguably the biggest and most necessary - the types of relationships we have in our lives can impact greatly on our outlook. 
Think about the relationships that  are important to you, circles of friends, community groups, family - Which of these generally make you feel good about yourself and are supportive? - Which of these perhaps do you not feel supported by? is this a relationship you wish to continue? Who do you look up to in your life and why?

Meaning - Meaning is how we make 'sense' of the world - finding this reason why we get out of bed and what makes us tick is extremely helpful in getting us to achieve the things we want because it gives them meaning and value.
Ask yourself - what really matters to you? If you could do anything you wanted (with no financial, social, work etc. barriers), what would it be? What do you hope will be your impact on the world? When you think about what is important to your life, question yourself as to why it really matters?

Achievement - Having a sense of accomplishment and success in being able to reach your goals gives you the confidence to try again! The more success we experience - the more likely we are to feel optimistic about life and a greater sense of well being. 
Start by setting yourself one or two small, achievable goals each week to build your confidence in your abilities, your satisfaction with life and your place in the world. This could be something as simple as 'I will have breakfast each day this week', or 'I will walk on Monday, Wednesday and Friday this week for 45minutes at my lunch break'.
(Check out the VIA Authentic happiness, character strengths tests to see which are your best traits!).
 
According to Dr. Seligman, by working on all of the above regularly, we are more likely to be resilient when things don't necessarily go our way, build on our own strengths and values, cultivate and enjoy the things that  are going well in our lives, have an increased level of hope and optimism, have an increased sense of empowerment, and be more grateful for the things around us - positive and negative!

Sounds exciting doesn't it! It all comes back to the idea that we  are responsible for and can control the way we react to and think about life. Love it or hate it - it's up to us!

Confidence is paramount - How to bring it back!

Confidence: Confidence is a pretty broad term and can be difficult to define as it's so personal. Most people see confidence as having a belief in yourself, another person or an idea. When a person is confident, they are showing that they have faith in their talents, abilities and personal strength.

Having confidence in ourselves can affect our entire life! When we know and appreciate who we are, we feel great about ourselves and we make better choices and better decisions.
When we make better choices and better decisions, we create a better life for ourselves.
When we create a better life, we are much happier.
Everything is based on our self-confidence!

Knowing how important it is to have confidence, I know that this is an area I struggle with. Sometimes I am my own worst enemy - listening to the inner voice inside my head telling me that 'I am not good enough', or that I will fail. The thing is - if I let myself listen to this voice,  there is no way that I will be able to live the life I've always imagined. I wouldn't push myself to take on new challenges, I'd talk myself out of being able to do a job/duty/role that I am very capable of and make myself anxious over what people thought of me to the point where it was often easier to just stay home than go out and make decisions or perform a role I thought I couldn't do as well as I should be.

When we are first born, we have LOADS of confidence. It is only as we grow older and experience a variety of different situations and events that we get our confidence ‘sapped’ out of us from the impact that the environment has on us.

We can lose confidence by a variety of situations, some could include the following examples:

• being criticized by others
• when we have negative people in our lives. It’s very common for women to have men in their lives that out them down and belittle them, breaking down their confidence because they THEMSELVES lack confidence.
• negative self talk, demeaning yourself by saying things like, “I’m stupid,“ “loser” “I KNEW it!”
• negative body image because of what society dictates we “should” look like
• not achieving the goals that we set for ourselves (consciously or sub-consciously)

When we lose our confidence, we start to have some of the following thoughts and responses…

• not believing in yourself
• not loving yourself
• fear of public speaking
• fear of meeting new people
• fear of conversation with others
• not being able to say no to others
• not being able to get what you want
• feelings of worry, guilt , anxiety, panic
• fear of leaving your comfort zone because your lack of confidence is holding you back

Of course we are not going to be living the life that we dream of, if we are always held back by the thought that we cannot do it!

The great things is that by taking control of our thoughts, we can improve our confidence at any age, regardless of our experiences.

Here are a few tricks to help you develop that confidence -

- Walk tall. It's amazing how you can actually trick your brain into thinking that you are feeling confident by the way you walk and hold yourself. If you sit cross armed, eyes looking down, shoulders hunched and palms clenched together, your brain is sent back messages to say that you are protecting yourself from something. Try taking a big breathe, pulling your shoulders back & down, straightening your back, holding you head up and smiling to yourself - the opposite should occur and your subconscious starts to believe you are relaxed and more confident!

- Smile! In a similar way to above, your body can be tricked into thinking it feels a different way. Think about how you feel when you're happy or smiling. Instantly you begin to relax and your mind seems to zone out from the negative things around you.

- Throw on something that makes you feel great! That could be some sneaky gorgeous lingerie (I know, only you know what you're wearing, but it's as if you have a little secret that nobody else knows about, that you feel a sense of cool, sexy confidence!), your favorite shoes, a new hair style, some new nail polish or your favorite outfit. When you feel good, your confidence most definitely lifts in response. Compare when you're at home in your PJ's, no make-up and un-brushed teeth, to when you're heading out to dinner with a friend. You'd obviously wear different clothes, and your body language and mindset are totally different!

- Take notice of the negative voice in your head. When you are aware of yourself thinking negative thoughts (your body language will often reflect this), take a stand against it! Changing your thought processes can ACTUALLY change your life - I could worry about what each member of my office is thinking about how well I'm doing my job (I'm sure the frown on their face is aimed at my ability to do my job and not at the naughty year 7 that was just told off for bullying other kids - NOT LIKELY!). We let our brains think the worst sometimes, which is not helpful at all. Try thinking about the positive things you have achieved, make a mental list of these before you dwell on the one or two small things you may still be learning to do.

- Play some music (and sing along to it - LOUDLY!).

- Get out an exercise! It will take your mind off the things that worry you, and pushing yourself when you are feeling a little low, can give you the confidence that you have reached a challenge or completed a goal (however small it may be).

- Visualization. Try setting a super specific goal—be as detailed as possible (one study suggests that the more detailed your vision of future success, the more confident you’ll feel  )—and imagine that you’ve achieved it. Throw in a positive affirmation, and go through this practice right before or right after you hit the sheets for sleep, ideally while looking at yourself in the mirror (e.g. putting on makeup or brushing your teeth) so that you can literally tell yourself what you’ll accomplish and why you rock.

- Practice the things you want to get better at. When you know that you CAN do the thing you are aiming for - that confidence soars!