Over many years of my life, and I know in saying this that I am only one of SOOO many people out there with the same storey - I have let comparison take hold of my life.
Whether it is at a conscious or subconscious level, I compare myself to everything.
Each time I walk down the street, and I'm sure being a woman it sadly comes naturally to us particularly around other women - I am looking at what people where, how their hair looks, what the of job they have, the car they drive, their friends, their boyfriend or partner, the food they are eating, the way they walk, do they look happy or not......it really is endless.
It leaves you feeling as if you are nothing short of someone who really needs to get their shit together and do something better with their lives.
It's funny - it doesn't mater how great your life is, the achievements you've made over the years, how many things are yet to come for us - we are always comparing our own lives with that of others. Nine times out of ten, this just brings a negative light to our own lives and we leave feeling shameful, guilty, dissatisfied and like we're missing out on something.
The thing about comparison, is that it not only happens in response to others, but it also takes over our thoughts when we compare our current self with our 'past' self, as well as our current situation.
We often get so caught up in making our life 'the best' that it can possibly be. The thing is, this BEST is ALWAYS going to change. You are going to have different priorities, want different things, be in different situations, have things in your life that are no longer serving you to feel positive energy from anymore. Life happens! For us to have an idea of how SHOULD be living according to an ideal that we thought up going through high school, as soon as we finished that university or diploma course, as soon as we leave a job we no longer enjoy - we are always going to be trying to live up to our 'should' expectations, rather than what we want or need at this present point in time.
I left my profession, for which I studied at university level for four years, worked in for 6.5 years. At the time of leaving, I knew that I was well and truly ready to leave and open a new chapter in my life doing something that excited me and fuelled my passions rather than leave me dreading each and every day. After some time away, I found myself in a storm of changing thoughts, both rational and irrational. I've gone from feeling excited to sheer panic, from bouncing around and clarity to tears and guilt.
What I only now realise, is that although I was researching my chosen field to try and make my new business stand out - I was comparing myself with everyone else. I have spent waaaaaay too much time on social media trawling through websites of some others and getting advice from those around me. The thing is - everyone is so different. Everyone has their own storey of how they got where they are, why they are doing what they do, why they have the opinion that they have and why they are the person they are.
By trying to compare and create a new exciting chapter and brand of my new business by constantly scrutinising others, I've made a giant ideal in my mind that for one is so incredibly overwhelming, and two is THEIR brand.
I can't even count the amount of tears, stomach aches and headaches I've had over trying to make this perfect. I've managed to turn this anxiety and frustration into more of an inward focus, where I started to blame myself for not being able to snap my fingers and become what I hoped (or what everyone else is doing). I started to squash all of my self confidence to the point that I felt totally unable to make any decisions. I started to look at my own insecurities of how I looked, whether I was fit, strong, healthy enough to do this job - I have to be perfect don't I for others to respond and want to listen to me or work with me?
"Just do YOU"!!
Having been a lover of all things health and fitness since as long as I can remember, I've gone through a few phases of chosen forms of exercise. I've been through years of triathlon training, which looking back now - served it's purpose completely. It was perfect in the point of my life where I had just come back from overseas, I needed a focus for all of my energies to keep me sane and not from 'freaking out' about needing to get another job or figure out what i wanted to do. It became my friend and companion after my boyfriend of 3 years left me, and it gave me a purpose for each day. I recently got into Pilates and do this along with my running and sometimes yoga. What I have noticed is that after a certain point of time, your body no longer enjoys or gets excited about doing a certain type of exercise. For many - they stick with what they think they SHOULD be doing (compared to either others they know of, or the person they were years ago), rather than what their body needs and wants. You will change - your body, mind and heart will want to take you in different directions throughout your life. The key is to learn to listen to it. Who needs a fight with themselves each morning to drag themselves along to a cross fit session they hate or a yoga class they don't crave anymore!!
So - how can we start to train ourselves to tune into what our body wants and needs? Think about the following:
1) Learn to catch comparison when it happens.
Start to notice when you're looking at others, looking at their career/body/outfit/emotion, or when you start to notice that you're only doing things because you feel like you have to (I USED to be able to do it, why is it so hard? I hate this!). We love to have goals and dreams and believe me - there is a HUGE place for them in your life, but if your constantly looking around at what you don't have in your life, you will NEVER catch the brilliant, fantastic and energising things that are already there!!
2) Go inward.
Think about the feelings that the situation brings up for you. An example might be where you feel you have to do lots of heavy, sweaty, hard-core activity each day - think about yourself, is it because you're feeling insecure, unworthy or that something is wrong with you?
3) JUST DO YOU.
Start to connect to what you desire. What do you WANT out of life? What makes you happy? Why not create your own personal mission statement (much like a business mission statement or vision).
Comparison will NEVER serve you. It will only train your rain and inner 'over-thinker' to take over your actions and thoughts, rather than start to listen to your heart and what your inner most desires are.
No comments:
Post a Comment