Self belief is something that one often finds very difficult to have.
As babies, we are born with no fear. We have never been exposed to negativity, we have no learned responses from any thought, action or behaviour we have been shown. We are willing to try anything (even place our tiny inquisitive toddler fingers near a boiling hot stove - unknowing dear devils at heart are we!!) without so much as a passing thought that we may be in danger either physically or mentally.
Then at some point in our lives, or maybe a gradual process - we learn to hold a protective shield on all of our thoughts, our actions and even our goals in life. We become timid in sharing our deepest thoughts or ideas or to try new things, knowing that we may become a victim of ridicule by others or have risk of failing.
This self belief is the thing that gets people from living a life where routine, daily tasks and 'same old, same old' become part of the norm to a life where they are able to bounce out of bed in excitement with a sense of fulfilment and anticipation of what the day ahead may bring.
People who have a strong sense of self belief are the ones who dare to be different. They dare to do the things that many of us only dream of. They break down barriers and 'ideas' that people should act a certain way, work certain jobs, reach certain milestones by certain stages in their lives.
The thing is, self belief is sadly becoming something that is hard to come by. Many people, and I admit I have been one of them, are too quick to listen to the opinions of others (which let me tell you, may even be there result of something they wish they had done but never could, so venture out to tell others that they will not be able to either) and never quite get to the 'next stage' of their dreams and ideas.
In speaking to several girlfriends recently over coffee, I was astounded to hear that despite being a mixture of ages (ranging from 22 years to 59 years) - women in particular suffer almost unknowingly of a low level of self belief and self concept.
I became quite interested in the conversation that went on with one of the older women in the group. She spoke of coming from a background who she self nominated as 'poorer'. She married a lovely man who was from a 'rich' family and was a mainstream Australian television script writer for several mini series. She has two beautiful children, but used to feel a sense of 'hopelessness'.
Something that unfortunately becomes quite common in women who have had children or are in a long term relationships is that they can easily become so engrossed (which don't get me wrong, is NOT a bad thing) in the family, children and the household that they get to a point in their lives where they feel as if they have 'lost themselves'. The hobbies or interests which used to make them part of who they are, are not longer on their list of priorities. Of course, having a family is such an important, fulfilling and life changing milestone - but putting so much energy into making sure that everyone else around you is living their dreams can be quite self limiting. The women got to a stage where she felt that she was dyeing to go back to part time university study, as a means of proving to herself and her successful husband that she was intelligent and 'worthy'.
Another younger woman in the group was in an industry which is very male dominant. She was questioning the way to approach them in conversation, which is quite different from her usual bold, confident and direct personality. She was worried that as a woman, she had to 'tread carefully' and was not able to be her usual self to ensure that the men in her industry would not think any less of her or would see her as someone they respected highly.
I was in a situation recently where I found myself explaining and trying to convince others of my recent career moves. I had worked hard and had many sleepless nights, coaching sessions and hours of research to ensure that the decision I had made was right for me. From the 'mental place' I was in a few months ago, feeling a sense of entrapment, unfulfilled, lost and 'stuck' in my current career - I had finally made the decision and worked to the point where I could trust that my choice was MY choice. I had to really work hard to get my self belief at a point where I believed in me and my own abilities to do the things I had talked about doing for so long. The choice I did make to change careers has not gone without some anxiety - as anyone who has set up a business (particularly without prior business start-up experience!) knows, I am quietly 'wetting my pants' some would say.
Recently, someone who is very important to me, argued ad become very aggressive in saying that the decision I had made to move away from teaching was 'stupid', 'dumb' and a 'very poor choice'. Given that this particular person had not known of my anxieties throughout the process of change, he came at me like a freight train and left me teary, embarrassed and questioning my own sense of belief and life direction. It's amazing how one person and one comment can completely change your mainframe and ability to trust yourself that you CAN do it so quickly.
After a few supportive conversations with close friends and family, a few days later I had someone managed to turn around those condescending and negative views into a full throttle 'let's do this' attitude. But hell - I had to work for it!! Over the past week, I have probably completed more work on the business than I had done over the last two months - and I thank that 'nay-sayer' for getting me there!
What I do know, is that without regular work on your own self belief, time to do things that you enjoy and know are things that free your mind to think and dream up your biggest goals, it is incredibly hard to beat those negative thoughts.
Just as we learn how to take a more pessimistic view on life and an automatic cautious response to anything that MAY put us in 'danger', we have to re-learn how to have self belief and how to look at negative moments as part of the journey or an opportunity to turn it into a positive.
It won't happen in one day, one week or sometimes even years - but it is so vital in our own sense of self, in our belief that we can do the things we thought were impossible (sure - some of these dreams may take a lot of time, commitment and compromise, but if thats what your dream of, what in the world is stopping you), in our ability to feel satisfied with our days.
If you're finding it hard - seek the help of close friends or family, go and chat with a coach/mentor/psychologist to get a few helpful tips to free that 'squashed' soul you may have developed over the years.
Self belief is so important. Self belief is the core of you being able to trust yourself, love yourself and know that you are doing exactly, being exactly and living exactly as you always hoped you would.
'Go get em!' Xx
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