Getting yourself through times of difficulty, challenge, uncertainty and major life changes takes many things.
It often takes courage - to be able to listen to what your heart pains to do. To make any big decision or choice in life, no matter how big or small will have positives and negatives. There will never be an instant blunt 'answer' to any decision.
The one thing you can do is learn how to appropriately deal with your own fears, which is not an easy feat, to see past the things that are holding you back (usually that over-thinking, deep analysing and procrastinating voice in your head trying to take over your inner guide) to getting where you truly desire.
Fear is a very real thing for most people. Actually - I take that back - fear is present in everyone. There are those who let their fears take over (whether it be through subconscious thoughts or proactive choices), usually never quite getting to feel the real passion and purpose in their lives, and there are those people who have learnt to use their inner compass; the ones who although can feel the full force of fear in their mind but have learnt to set them aside to challenge, dream and live their lives through self expression, happiness, fulfilment and heart.
According to the very talented author Shannon Kaiser (Adventures for the soul), most people develop inner sense of fear through things that happened to them during childhood or experiences they have been through in their lifetime.
The human body and soul is an extremely 'sponge-like' thing - it soaks up (whether we realise it or not...which often makes it harder to understand or address) all of our environment, the reactions of others and the results or outcomes that we get as we go through the bucket loads of life (whether it be career, fitness, friendship, relationships, love, goal setting......anything!). How we interpret these situations is so important in being able to gain anything from them.
As life has it - we will fail. There is no question. Nobody is a perfectly sublime and unable to fail at EVERYTHING - though, it would be bloody great this were true!! Being able to learn and read these mistakes, losses and perhaps sometimes negative moments in our lives is the key to being able to over-come them so that we can reach our goals in the future without being hindered by sour memories of our past.
The top ten fearful thought processes (Shannon Kaiser) that we as the human race feel and are often guided by are as follows:
1) Fear failure - A fear that if you try something new and unexplored then you will lose in some way.
2) Fear of the unknown - Not being able to control your situation, going into new territory in work, love, environment, living circumstances is a super scary thing. If we have never been through this specific change before, how will we know how to respond to it or the challenges (or positives) that it may bring?
3) Fear of not having enough - Fear of being short money, food, friendships...which can cause us to be somewhat sneaky and go into a panic thinking that there is going to be a shortage in some important component of our lives.
4) Fear of change - It's scary to know that whatever your desired action or dream is will require you to potentially change up your routines, do things different to how you normally would, become more flexible. Being slightly similar to fear of the unknown, changing ourselves to be out of our 'daily usuals' and into a new comfort zone can be difficult for many of us.
5) Fear of shame or judgement - A very real fear for many is that they will be judged for making a change. Quite often this is related to career; when working in a high profile corporate position that no longer serves us is difficult for us to leave in fear of what others think, or leaving a relationship that is no longer satisfying our needs is something that does not sit well with others around us. Others opinions can impact us more than we realise.
6) Fear of intimacy or loss of freedom - A fear that often prevents us form becoming close enough to the people in our lives because we feel that if we get too close, we will lose some of ourselves and not be abe to do the things we used to do.
7) Fear of being alone - A very common fear in people who find it hard to move out of relationships that are no longer 'connected' or 'working' in case there is nobody else out there who will love them. It could even be a fear of being alone from friends, to the point that we never give ourselves time to be comfortable with ourselves - as we're always around others.
8) Fear of rejection - A fear that you will be rejected for the opinions you have, the thoughts, actions or desires you grow inside you so you keep quiet around others and never feel that you can express yourself as the person you are.
9) A fear of dyeing or losing others we care about - A fear that often develops as a sense of over-protectiveness and control of others around us in case they no longer are with us.
10) A fear of inadequacy - That fear that you are never good enough. This can often lead us to never reaching our full potential because we are always worried about not being able to achieve the things we want, that others are more deserving than us in roles we might deeply want but not reach out for or share with others. Often this also leads to a feeling of being 'stuck'.
So how in the world do we move past these fears and stop them from over-riding our heart EVERY time??? It's time for a 'fear detox' (Adventures for the soul).
1) Write down the three fears you relate to most out of the above list.
2) Identify the COST of of each of these above fears in your life, and then write down the BENEFIT. Think about how believing in this fear over time has helped you cope with painful situations. Did it serve you or make things more difficult or more 'locked in'?
3) Try to figure out where in your childhood you developed this fear? (e.g What happened in your childhood where you did;t feel accepted?).
Then - it's time for forgiveness. Think about all those people who were involved in making that fear a part of your thoughts. Perhaps someone hurt you in the past - give them an 'emotional hug', and know that for whatever reason the fear provoking situation happened to you, it was a learning process.
Now that you are aware of the thinking behind many of your actions - you can be much more aware of them. Simply acknowledging and looking out for any thoughts that may start to take over your decisions and choices in the future can make a huge difference in your ability to be able to change it and move beyond your fears next time.
It will open up your heart to lead you towards where it really wants to be, rather than always letting your head take over with often limiting answers.
Fear - be gone!!
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